Chaos

When I first came there, I did´nt understand why. In search of nothing but finding Everything is a not-so-comon experience on my behalf. But of course, it was´nt that easy as I make it sound. It was´nt, in fact, easy at all. Attraction is like a thief at night, sneaking arouind, lurking in the shadows, wispering and placing soft, almost unnoticable touches that makes your skin attentive on it´s own Accord. As if it has a concsiousness of its own. well, perhaps it does. In this vast reality nothing is for sure! Attraction then starts to sing,a tune most familiar to you, yet unheard and it catches your attention in the very least expected moments. And all of a sudden, you Wake up one morning and while your makeing your morning coffee you find yourself singing that very same tune! And while you sing, you smile. And the smile conects to a joy Deep down in your belly, like when you had a secret as a Child and it was fun and exhiting and tabu at the same time... Attraction came to see me there. In the very least expected manner and in the shape of Chaos. Chaos, by the way. Do you know him? Chaos, the God of destruction and change beyond Control. Chaos, the Beautiful, enchanting One who is bound to no laws, no force but his own and who never finds mercy a part of the game. Mercy is for the Saints. Chaos is no way near a Saint. He is Chaos. And Him, I met. Chaos in persona. A fallen angel, perhaps, but never then less, a son of God. I saw him and my heart leaped out at once. To hold him, to care for him, to help if possible and to love him unconditionally. I had no choice. My heart exploded, wide open for this man, this broken, lost and untamed boy. Yes, of course I saw it comming. I´ve bin there Before, I´ve paid with my heart and lost the very same. Love is a dangerous game. The one who does´nt know that has never loved. I told you, I saw it comming, yet, I did not care. Blinded by the glory of Him, as Icarus flying to Close to the sun. Blinded by a love so strong it made me into a rope in wich I caught him while trying to commit cuicide. He lived. I suffered in silece for him. Cried and prayed for him every single day and every single night so that I could be sure the Angels Heard me and watched over him while I could´nt. Days past. Weeks to. A constant rolercoaster-ride through every single emotion possible towards Another. Oh, Chaos, what you made me feel! And then, when all seamed to calm down, when I found him open to recieve at last, he turned and was gone. Just like that. No answers. No mercy. And that´s when I knew it was Him who had come to see me again, Chaos, in disguise. Again. Why me? Who am I? You told me many times that I must be an Angel because humans does not love like that. Perhaps it´s true. Perhaps I once was someone like you, an Angel, an Icarus, deported back to Earth, to suffer. To lurn and to gain again Gods trust and compassion. What do I know... Chaos, my friend. I´ll see you again. For sure. And you´ll be desguised again, that to is for sure. But will I know your namne? Will I see your true face in time and Before I fall in love with you once more? Perhaps the only way to keep you away is to love you. Love you unconditionally...? I´ll try. I know I will because that is who I am. No excauses. I will deserve the love of God one day, no matter how many times I fall Before your feet. I´m an Angel, just like you and I´ll see you in heaven because the greatest force of all, that is GOD, who´s name is LOVE, will unite us there at last and that thought makes me sleep at night. Eaven though I lost, again, and paid with my heart, again, I´m alright. I love you and I Always will. Chaos, my brother, my son.